Iui scan

Well yesterday aaron and I headed to ohio reproductive medicine and met with dr williams. I had an ultrasound and had about 9-10 folicals growing. Folicals are what eggs produce from. I have 3 follicals that should be big enough to produce a mature egg.
After the ultrasound my dr talked to us about the success rates. Right now naturally my chance of conciecing is 1%. With clomid it raised to 4%, with clomid and iui we are at a 10%. Praying we are in that 10%!

After that we went to the nurses for aaron to learn how to give me a shot and get everything scheduled. Saturday night aaron will give me a shot which will nake ne ovulate in 36 hours. Monday morning we will go to the office and have the insemenation done. A week later I will go for blood work that will say how good my ovulation was. Then 9 days later we can do a home test.

Please keep us in your prayers as we undergo these very emotional treatment. We feel the prayers daily.

Our journey continues

This past Sunday it became official. we will be trying artificial insemination in hopes and prayers that we will have our second child on the way. The one Christmas present I really wanted this year was a positive pregnancy test however it was not meant to be.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we continue this journey. It has been a long hard 18 months that has left me drained on so many levels. Aaron has been such an amazing supportive spouse through it all and a great shoulder to lean and cry on.  So here is to praying and hoping the next 3 months will lead to a positive pregnancy test.

I am currently taking a medication and then I am going to the dr
for an ultrasound next Wednesday. I will then learn if insemination will be 12/30 , 12/31 or 1/1

Here we go

Well Friday morning started with me having to tell my husband that he was wrong. No baby on the way. Our second try at clomid was a fail. After curling in bed just to be held, I regained my stregth and determination to keep trying and know that this baby will come in God's timing. However, also accepting in my heart that this baby may be along way off. I have spent the week sorting, packing and preparing to donate baby items. Keeping those that I love, and donating the rest. It was a hard process and very emotional at times however at the same time, I know we will make great memories in the reclaimed space!

So today we begin our 3rd and final round of just clomid. Not looking forward to the side effects but atleast I am only working 2 days this week so that will help with the sleepless nights! We are praying this cycle works, but also preparing mentally for our first round of Artificial insemination to begin the week before Christmas.

This week needs prayer

Well we are on the final week of round 2 of clomid. I have so many emotions that Thursday can not come soon enough! On Thursday I will know if a little one was conceived this round or not. Then I would go for test and ultrasounds to make sure the baby had a heartbeat, growing and how many.

I tried so hard not to get my hopes up this round. However, that has now failed. Aaron and so many other people are so sure that this is our month. I pray that they are right. 18 months of heartache due to negative pregnancy test is very hard on the heart, spirit, and pocket! Yes Aaron and I have had some moments this past week that really make us think that this time it has worked. However, we have also had those thoughts before. My feelings are all over the place. Anxious and excited to know but also Sad and down as I think, why would this month be any different?

Please keep us in your prayers this week as we wait and see, not only that there may be a baby but also for the emotions we feel when there is yet again only one line on the pregnancy test.

round 2

So just noticed I hadn't written in exactly a month so thought I should do an update! Cycle one of clomid was filled with a lot of side effects! Crazy emotions, hot flashes, headaches, insomnia and the worst , a big fat negative pregnancy test. I responded really well to the meds as my ovulation number was 12 without clomid (10 or higher is good) and with clomid it was over 20. However, october was just not my month to find out I was expecting.

So off to round 2! The week of pumpkin show I started my second round of clomid. Normal hot flashes the week of the medicine but after that I have had no side effects. Of course, instead of making me happy, this concerns me! I am afraid that since not as many side effects it means that there is no little one in there. Only time will tell. If not, I will begin my 3rd and final round of clomid (at least without other treatment) around Thanksgiving. Aaron and I decided not to start any new treatments after that until the first of the year. I would have a minor surgery to check and see if my HSG test missed scar tissue from my c-section or appendicitis. If all is good, then our goal is to start IUI in February. Hopefully this little one decides to come on clomid though instead of going that route!

Clomid and our love/hate relationship

This was our first cycle of Clomid and let me know you, I am not a big fan of it! Side effects? Oh yeah! First week and I slept 3 hours a night because I was so stinkin hot and had a terrible headache. Now it is off to severe stomach pains 75% of the time for the past 4 or 5 days. However, The stomach pains should be a good thing and mean that the drug is doing what it is supposed to and is making those eggs! Friday I will go to the Dr for more blood work to see how I did on Clomid and if they need to address my dosage. Then it will be a 1 week wait to see if this little one will be on its way yet. If not I will begin another round of Clomid during Pumpkin Show.

cycle 16

Well we just had our 16th cycle fail. I am disappointed as we really thought I was pregnant. I hate disappointing Aaron even more so than disappointing myself. So what does this mean? Well, Aaron is picking up Clomid on his way home. We will try 3 cycles of clomid with watching my progesterone. This is needed because since I already ovulate, Clomid could do 1 of 3 things. 1. It may not change anything. 2. It may make me super ovulate (which is what we want!) raising my chances of conceiving (more eggs = more targets) or 3. It could confuse my body and make me stop ovulating. I am disappointed that we have to go this route but excited to take action and hopefully get this little one on the way! We will be doing 3 cycles of Clomid and then if still no baby I will meet with my specialist at the beginning of the year to discuss artificial insemination.

Stronger

If I could use one word to describe how infertility has changed me, I would have to say I am stronger then I ever was before. Over the past 15 months I have smiled through baby announcements, baby showers and the baby Aisle.  I have fought back tears as people are clueless about the heartache of secondary infertility. I have forced a smile on my face and say soon when he tells me he wants a baby brother. I have stood up for myself and worked with my RE to develop a treatment plan that works for me. I have endured painful test, blood work and the disappointment on my husbands face. All while saying/crying to internally  why  can I not have another one?

 I do not know why God has gave this trial, but I do know that God is in control of it all. There is a baby out there for us for Ian to call his Brother or Sister. 

Plans are meant to be changed

In our household, when one of us think we have the plans figured out, they usually change! I went to my RE on Thursday and Came up with a plan for the next 9 months. 3 months of trying following the HSG I had, 3 months of Clomid, 3 Cycles of IUI. Well luckily my Dr is flexible because after talking with Aaron we have decided to change our plan of action.

The Dr's all day the 3 months after an HSG you have a higher chance of getting pregnant. So Aaron and I talked and he asked why not take advantage of that and also use Clomid to make it even more likely that I will get pregnant. The sooner the better in my mind! So when my Dr calls me on Tuesday or Wednesday with another test result, if everything looks good, I am going to talk to them about starting Clomid late next week.  I am very excited and a little nervous! Excited to get this baby on its way! Nervous because the side effects can be pretty bad! (If you see Aaron with a black eye it was the clomid not me!!) 

All this of course depends on how this cycle goes. I am currently on day 21 of my cycle and starting to feel some symptoms that are making Aaron and I wonder if I am pregnant. We can not find out for about another week and a half so for now it is just waiting and going crazy! This is not the first month I have had some kind of symptom but we are hoping that this month will be the month and this baby will stick! If not, bring on the treatments! 

Game Plan

Ah relief.... We have a game plan! I am one who has to know the plans and not knowing where we were going with our treatment was driving me insane! So I met with Dr. Williams ( Infertility specialist) today and we developed a plan. One that I am in control of and one that I am very pleased with.

Of course, Just like Dr Olah (My OBGYN) Dr Williams is very happy with all of our test results. Which is kinda frustrating! I am thankful things have came out good but just wish we could see the reason why we cant conceive. My HSG from last week, looked great so with that, my odds of conceiving are higher for the next 3 months. Sometimes there are buildups the xray doesn't detect that the dye clears, it can enhance ovulation, and make the uterus more acceptable for implantation. Our goal is that this will happen in the 3 months for us.

If not pregnant after the post HSG 3 months then around Thanksgiving I will be starting clomid for 3 months. Even though I am ovulating, Clomid will still raise my chance of conceiving. (Currently a 10% chance, but with Clomid around a 20%-30%) We will try those 3 months and if still not pregnant will go back and discuss our next steps. Right now those next steps will be to decide whether to have exploratory laparoscopy or Artificial insemination.

We are praying hard that either the 3 months of HSG increased fertility will work or the 3 months of clomid. We thank you all for your thoughts and prayers for us as we go through our journey with secondary infertility.

Huston, we have no problem

Wow has this been a busy week! On Wednesday I went to Mt Carmel East to meet with my OBGYN for my hysterosalpingogram (HSG) test. During this test, your Dr injects dye into your uterus and them watches to see if it fills your uterus, goes out into your tubes and then fills your stomach. So I met my Dr and prepared for the test. They called for the radiologist to xray me during the test. (By this point I was almost in tears due to how bad this test hurts!) My Dr pushed the dye and my tubes instantly filled with the dye and into my stomach. My Dr stopped the test and then we had the talk.

All my test have came back normal. I am ovulating, my tubes are clear, Aaron is fine, my thyroid is fine so why are we not getting pregnant? My Dr told us that sometimes this test clears out some impurities and that we have a higher chance of conceiving this month. She also said, she has done all that she can at her office and she would be referring me on to a Reproductive Endocrinologist (Infertility specialist) This is exciting but disappointing at the same time. I am excited to see what my ithem and I cant wait to give him a baby brother or sister to protect and love.nfertility Dr has planned and what he can do for us. I am disappointed that it seems like my body is just saying no, even though there seems to be no medical reasons. However, they are more test that an RE can run and hopefully soon they will figure out why we can not get pregnant and be on our way to a family of 4 (or more?) We watched my cousins newborn twins yesterday and Ian was so excited to have the girls here. He was so protective of

Test

Well my next round of test have been scheduled. I am both excited but nervous about this! Tomorrow morning I will be going to the lab to have blood work. This is purely for my insurance to make sure that my eggs are healthy and not in menapause. They require this test before any treatment to make sure your body will respond. My number has to be below a 19 before they will pay for anything.

Also, I talked to my Dr today and on Wednesday the 24th I will be having my HSG test done. This is a (PAINFUL) dye test where they put dye in your uterus and see if it goes into your tubes and then your stomach. This checks to see if your tubes have any scar tissue blocking your tubes. The results then will tell us what steps we will take next. I should know the test results right away for this test.

Please keep us in your prayers as, as you can imagine I am very nervous, anxious, scared and yet excited.

Today we celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary. The feelings I have today have nothing to do with our actual anniversary but defiantly relivent to our 4 years of marriage and 5 1/2 years of being together!

I went to Toledo in Feb 2006 and we make official. A week later my Grandma died and a few weeks after that my Dad was diagnosed with Cancer. Now don't get me wrong, We have had our amazing times in life, Saint Lucia, Bahamas, buying a house, having Ian, amazing family vacations and time with our great families. But our 4 years of marriage have also had our hard times. We got hit by a hurricane on our honeymoon, I wrecked my car on our 1 month anniversary, Had emergency surgery when 12 weeks pregnant, Aaron lost his job due to layoffs when I was 6 months pregnant, and lost Dad to cancer when Ian was only 18 months old.

You see, lately my emotions have been a lot like our 4 years of marriage. A lot of ups and a lot of downs. I am very excited to start treatment and get on with diagnosing our infertility. I want our second child so badly and just want answers on to why I can not do it. The downs? In 6 days I will call my Dr to tell her once Aunt Flow has showed up once again and need to schedule my HSG (dye test) and FSH (blood test).

These test should make me excited. Once we know the results we will know what steps are next for us. Will we have to take clomid? Have my fibroids out? Remove any blockage? Inter uterine insemination? or In vitro fertilization? However, knowing that these test are coming at the end of this cycle, I feel like I have failed. I was unable to give my husband a second child, I failed at being able to give my son a brother or sister. I can not have a second baby on my own. I am broken.

So even though I am excited to get on with treatment I cant help but shed a tear and what I was not able to do on my own. I know God is in control and has a very special child out there for us. However, please pray for us as we start this transition into treatment and I go through the emotions of not being able to do this on my own.

Can you hear me?

http://youtu.be/RrFO-L8Rpas

Infertility poem

Maybe if you could take a walk in my shoes,

You would understand what it feels like to have the infertility blues.

The devastating feeling when on the test only one line appears,

The exhaustion over sleepless nights and crying so many tears.

... Maybe you wouldn’t say “If it’s meant to be, it will be”.

Or “just relax, live your life and try to be worry free”.

By this you insinuate that I am doing something wrong,

Don't you understand how hard it is to stay strong?

Was it meant to be for the woman who chose to have an abortion?

Was it meant to be for women having babies born with addiction?

Choose you words carefully or please say nothing at all,

In this community of women the support seems so small.

“Do it in this position, drink this, and I heard not to eat that”.

Or “Did you know that you can’t get pregnant if you’re fat”?

Think before you speak because we have no tolerance for you!

You have no idea of our struggle and what we are going through!

If you want to be a friend please just be at our side.

Be there to support us and wipe our tears as we cry.

Don’t offer us testimonial or uneducated advice.

A hug and a shoulder to cry on will certainly suffice.

And if we are hopeful one month and trying to read our bodies' signs,

Please don’t tell us it’s too early or that we are losing our minds.

Let us hold on to our hope, as brief as it may be,

Because this is all we have, our dreams of pregnancy.

by Christina Lemal

An amazing video describing the thoughts of infertility

http://www.tearsandhope.com/emptyarms_video.html

Our Journey

I have decided to start blogging for a few reasons. One is, because some people like to know what we are currently going through in our Journey of secondary infertility so they know how to pray for us. Another is, I am learning that there are so many women out there who have secondary infertility and feel alone. We aren't welcomed always with people with Primary Infertility because we already have a child. (However, I never say or think that I have it as hard as these amazingly strong women!) Then we have the people who don't have any issues getting pregnant and think we just need to relax, do it a certain way, try this, eat that or have you heard of doing this? I hope for those that are looking to not feel so alone that you find comfort through our story!

I married the love of my life (and yes an ex from high school!) on August 11, 2007. I had a Dr tell me I may difficulty getting pregnant, and it may take a little longer due to a tilted cervix. So we decided to go off birth control on Jan. 1 2008. We figured if it happened right away that would be fine, but that it would also be OK if it took us awhile to get pregnant. We moved into our house on April 15, 2008 and found out I was pregnant on that Mothers day. So much for taking awhile to get pregnant! ( Was later told, I didnt have a tilted cervix and my OB had no idea what my Dr had seen.) After a crazy pregnancy of Fibroids, appendicitis at 12 weeks, and a stubborn breach baby leading to a c-section, I had my Amazing son on January 8, 2009.

We knew we wanted our kids close in age like my husband (Aaron) and his brother. So we went off birth control once again in April 2010. No problem we thought, it takes 3 months to get BC out of your system and return to normal. I will be pregnant by September or October and it will be no problem. Well September came, followed by October and many more months. In February of 2011 I went to my OB for a check up. That was the day I learned about secondary infertility.

My Dr was concerned because we were tracking our Ovulation, we had our son recent enough that age should not be a problem, and yet no baby. She told us maybe we just needed a little longer however wanted some test ran just to be safe. After blood work, tests and ultrasounds, it was determined that the basic stuff was ruled out. I was still ovulating, my thyroid was fine, fibroid hadnt changed from when I got pregnant with my son, and Aaron tested fine. We then began saving money for our HSG tests to check to see if my tubes are blocked. 5 months into waiting, Aaron got a new job and we now have infertility insurance. Allowing us to move forward with our testing and treatments.

So where are we now in our journey? I will be going for a test in about 4 weeks to see if I have blockage in my tubes. If I do, we will first have to figure out what caused it, and then decide on treatment. We are looking at several things coming up that are scary but exciting because getting us closer to having our second child. We are so excided to be moving forward and that you are interested in following our journey. We covet your prayers and feel them daily as we go through the ups and downs that come with infertility.